And also...

...don't for one second imagine that I haven't been captivated by this bisexual airborne fungus dealie. In my role as a gov't stooge I must assure you there is nothing to fear. But as a gullible, paranoid, obscure-and-bizarre-disease-obsessed drama-whipper-upper who hasn't even had her flu shot yet, I am Freaked Out! Aren't you? Sources say you can catch it by scoping attractive people in bars! There goes my whole summer. Dang!