secrets of guidebooking, revealed

Those of us who write guidebooks for a living like to make a big deal about how it's totally a real job and we're not just getting paid to bum around checking out cool stuff on some fat company's dime. It's work, you guys! We are working.

Real talk, though: guidebook writing is not rocket surgery. Mostly it's a lot of wandering around with a notebook and a cellphone, looking like a dork because you spend way more than a normal amount of time on a sidewalk in front of a storefront, not really going anywhere, seeming completely lost.

(Or running on fumes in search of a trailhead at the end of a road that appears on no maps, unless it's that one you passed a few miles back and ignored because there's no way anyone could possibly drive anything but a tank down that road....) 

It's not hard. But it is slow work, and it doesn't pay much, so in order for it to be worth doing, you have to make it fun. This is easier to do if you happen to get a thrill from discovering and writing down things like 

• bus schedules 
• train schedules
• ferry routes
• average menu prices
• opening hours
• size/number of potholes in access road
• for how many miles?
• ticket prices, entry fees
• number of cougar attacks last year
• currency exchange rates
• phone numbers
• what is that flower
• do ticks around here carry Lyme disease 
• asking for a friend
• rules about border crossings
• immunization and customs requirements
• GPS coordinates in three formats
• backcountry permit requirements
• hotel room prices that vary by day of week/mood of receptionist
• rental car policies esp re damage caused by potholes

Bonus points if you enjoy squeezing all this information into a small imaginary box with a strict wordcount. 

Then again, you also get to go on scenic hikes, ride weird bus routes, hang out in bars, and sometimes eat delicious food (or at least take photos of it). Every day is different.

Anyway, here are a few scenes from the fun parts of putting together the brand-new, updated edition of my latest guidebook, Walking Portland: 

Portland' skyline has changed a bit since I first started writing about it. This photo shows an Imperial Star Destroyer parked illegally on the east end of the Burnside Bridge, next to a goofy little office building called the Fair-Haired Dumbbell, which I've tried to hate but reluctantly kind of adore.

Kay's Bar in Sellwood - an old favorite, with the best lamps and pretty good nachos.

Gena Rowlands hangs out near the pinball machines at Holman's on 28th Ave - I visit her a lot, even though this corner of the bar is right next to the bathrooms and smells terrible

I don't care what you say, these stupid little electric scooter things are super fun.

Sometimes, in Portland, you go to a bar just to play a little pinball and the place is full of youngsters in pajamas with little backpacks on, for no apparent reason

Pinball is a contact sport and can be dangerous

The typical Portland diet includes a wide variety of foods 

If you're in Portland you should try to get out on the water (just don't touch it) (the Willamette River is poison)

The best chicken salad: at Basilisk, in the Zipper building, a hipster food court on NE Sandy Blvd

Olympia Provisions - preserved meats designed for world-class gold-medal athletes.
(Not true. But they are delicious.)

Spider Jerusalem hangs out in front of the comics library at Reed College

City of Roses. (Fact.)

Your author with a few examples of what's been taking so long.